Words that Give Hope June 7, 2013
There are times when saying the right words comes easy, such as times of accomplishment and celebration.
However, there are other times when finding the rights words is a struggle. Many times it is hard to know what to say. What can we say to those who are going through the terrible pain of losing a loved one through death, no matter how the death has occurred?
God’s word encourages us to keep our words kind and gentle.
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103 (NIV)
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
And then there are times when it is best to day nothing. At those times, “Silence is Golden.”
Growing up, we were very close to our extended families on both sides. We spent most holidays eating and playing together with one clan or the other. My family and my dad’s sister, Aunt Alice, and her children even took vacations together. Their father had passed away a few months before the youngest, Jean, was even born. Jean is four months older than me, so we grew up almost like sisters.
When Jean and I were in college, Aunt Alice passed away. She had been like a second mother to me. Aunt Alice was the one who prayed with me the day that I asked Jesus to forgive me, and to be my Saviour. Her death left a huge
whole in my heart.
Jean and I went on to live our lives, raising families in two different countries and pursuing two very different career paths. There were years when we would not see each other, and neither one of us were very good at letter writing. One summer we were able to have an hour alone walking a beach on Lake Michigan. I will always remember that conversation. We
spent a lot of time talking about her mom and some of our times together as a family. That afternoon she told me that during the time of the viewing for her mom at the funeral home, the most important thing I did for her was to sit next to her, be with her, and not to say a word.
Those who are in pain do not need words, they need our presence. Those in trouble and turmoil do not need our unsolicited opinion or advice. They need us to be there. This is the time to listen. Sometimes, if we say the first thing that comes to mind, it is the wrong thing and may cause more pain. Often, in time of sorrow or stress our words are said out of nervousness and they may not “come out” the way we intended. The words we choose may add to the hurt, leaving our friend unable to “hear” what we are really trying to say.
I read a helpful comment in the current issue of Faith Today. (www.FaithToday.ca) Mark Vander Veen of Shalem Mental Health Network was being interviewed by Karen Stiller. “It’s about you trying to understand them rather than trying to set them on a certain course.” He encourages us to express empathy as opposed to advice or reasons for the struggle, or tragedy.
Perhaps this is a good time to put “ting” into practice. For those of you who have been reading my entries for a long while, you may remember this word. I have been told that this is the pronunciation for the Chinese character made up of four other main characters representing the Mind, Heart, Ears, and Eyes. I see it as “Total body Listening.”
The next time Words of Hope are needed; begin first by sitting with your loved one and not saying anything. Just be with them. Your presence will let them know you are there and supporting them through the tough time. Then let them talk without much comment from you. When the time is right, begin to ask them questions. Mark Vander Veen suggests questions about how they are feeling and recommends to say something like: “I’m sorry you are going through this” “I’m sorry you feel this way.” Now is probably not the time to give advice. If they ask for it, preface it by saying “this is one option.”
Remember: Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
However, there are other times when finding the rights words is a struggle. Many times it is hard to know what to say. What can we say to those who are going through the terrible pain of losing a loved one through death, no matter how the death has occurred?
God’s word encourages us to keep our words kind and gentle.
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103 (NIV)
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
And then there are times when it is best to day nothing. At those times, “Silence is Golden.”
Growing up, we were very close to our extended families on both sides. We spent most holidays eating and playing together with one clan or the other. My family and my dad’s sister, Aunt Alice, and her children even took vacations together. Their father had passed away a few months before the youngest, Jean, was even born. Jean is four months older than me, so we grew up almost like sisters.
When Jean and I were in college, Aunt Alice passed away. She had been like a second mother to me. Aunt Alice was the one who prayed with me the day that I asked Jesus to forgive me, and to be my Saviour. Her death left a huge
whole in my heart.
Jean and I went on to live our lives, raising families in two different countries and pursuing two very different career paths. There were years when we would not see each other, and neither one of us were very good at letter writing. One summer we were able to have an hour alone walking a beach on Lake Michigan. I will always remember that conversation. We
spent a lot of time talking about her mom and some of our times together as a family. That afternoon she told me that during the time of the viewing for her mom at the funeral home, the most important thing I did for her was to sit next to her, be with her, and not to say a word.
Those who are in pain do not need words, they need our presence. Those in trouble and turmoil do not need our unsolicited opinion or advice. They need us to be there. This is the time to listen. Sometimes, if we say the first thing that comes to mind, it is the wrong thing and may cause more pain. Often, in time of sorrow or stress our words are said out of nervousness and they may not “come out” the way we intended. The words we choose may add to the hurt, leaving our friend unable to “hear” what we are really trying to say.
I read a helpful comment in the current issue of Faith Today. (www.FaithToday.ca) Mark Vander Veen of Shalem Mental Health Network was being interviewed by Karen Stiller. “It’s about you trying to understand them rather than trying to set them on a certain course.” He encourages us to express empathy as opposed to advice or reasons for the struggle, or tragedy.
Perhaps this is a good time to put “ting” into practice. For those of you who have been reading my entries for a long while, you may remember this word. I have been told that this is the pronunciation for the Chinese character made up of four other main characters representing the Mind, Heart, Ears, and Eyes. I see it as “Total body Listening.”
The next time Words of Hope are needed; begin first by sitting with your loved one and not saying anything. Just be with them. Your presence will let them know you are there and supporting them through the tough time. Then let them talk without much comment from you. When the time is right, begin to ask them questions. Mark Vander Veen suggests questions about how they are feeling and recommends to say something like: “I’m sorry you are going through this” “I’m sorry you feel this way.” Now is probably not the time to give advice. If they ask for it, preface it by saying “this is one option.”
Remember: Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)